Oh Lord Won't You Buy Me A Fuel Efficient SUV?

I'm glad I don't drive. Not only because my drinking past would have made it an extreme sport but, jesus, have you seen the price of gas?

I'm totally fucking kidding. People who complain about the price of gas are starting to get on my last nerve. Take the subway and please get your head out of your own ass. We are such a bunch of freaking automatons in North America. The price of gas goes up and we flounder like they turned the power off in the entire country.

I made the move to Toronto over a year ago now, to be with my science lovin' boyfriend and although that didn't work out I still harbour a deep and thundering passion for questioning why so many massive wankers drive hulking, gas-drunk, family-of-twelve-mobiles in this traffic crammed metropolis? What the fuck do you do for a living that you need a car that big? Are you doing freelance snow removal to supplement your income as an inveestment banker?

And I hate all these people who say it's because they "have a family". I was in a family once. Three kids. We made the 16 hour drive to Nova Scotia every year from Montreal with no seatbelts in our Ford. My brother would draw imaginary lines on the back seat between us and swear if I crossed the line with a even a toe I'd get a beating. I remember the hours of adult nerve grating enjoyment we got out of "I spy with my little eye, something that is....."

These spoiled damn kids now with their DVD players and lounge seating...where is the fun in that? How is mom supposed to make that awkward reach-around to smack her kids bare legs if they are soothed out watching Finding Nemo? I think something of rudimentary importance to the family unit is being tampered with all this distraction and comfortable plush seating.


Jesus, I've just managed another Andy Rooney blog rant. Somebody please send money quick. Poverty is speeding up the aging process at an alarming rate.