I used to like the library

Since my move away from ye oldey chap, I have virtually no money.

My paycheque is divided as such:

1.Toronto rent? Check. And ouch. 2. Massive Rogers bill because I decided to pay a few months longer than necessary for services I wasn't using, at an apartment I wasn't in because I was trying to prove to my ex that me leaving with NONE of the stuff we bought together didn't bother me? Check. 3. Food and not such an amount of it that the grocery bags (reusable ones, yes, my enviro crazed friends)are so heavy I can't walk home without permanent back damage? Check. 4. Toiletries?...aka, soap all kinds. Dishes, clothes, house, me. All those things need cleaning products. I can't live without cleaning products. Windex is my friend. 5. Cosmetic enhancements? Makeup for end of month acne and poor self image? Check. Birth control pill because I know babies are "in " this year but I look better in jeans without an elastic waistband? Check.

And there, you pretty much have it. Not much left over. Fuck all left over, really. I am sleeping on an air bed from Canadian Tire, people. My couch is left over from the last broad that lived there, and once, when I dropped my remote control between the cushions I pulled out...yes...a gasp is appropropriate..a syringe. I love Toronto. So warm, so cuddly. (pssst! somebody call the police...)

I also have no computer and am writing this from a library in my lakeshore neighborhood. I have a library card for the first time in over 10 years. It's neat. Everything's free.

I got my head out of my ass about the paying his bills and soon I will have enough to save. I will save and buy a computer, a proper bed and all of the tummy rumblings because I am rationing food will be gone. I'll probably look back and envy the freedom I have now. I'll be able to look back and see where the wave crested and I finally felt like me.

I have never been happier.