Could I BE any more insecure?

I have often wondered what it takes to be truly hot. Is it a specific turn of pout, a blindingly shiny head of hair, a rack that just won't quit or a waist with the circumference of a coffee cup? What the hell is it?

What I have discovered is that I lack the one thing that makes anyone truly sexy...confidence. I have observed even the skankiest looking chicks working a room like a pro because of that confident gleam that comes from thinking you're the sshiznit. Maybe it's that slow, whitling and undermining Scots Protestant upbringing of mine. Don't show off, don't rock the boat, don't dress like a tramp. Dunno.

What I do know is that, as a result, I can't take the gentlest of compliments without burning red or making some sort of excuse along the lines of "no, really, I'm a piece of garbage..."

I look through the magazines that the receptionist leaves at the front desk and make myself feel worse. I'm not thin enough, my tits are too small, my ass is too round...AND I can't afford any of these fucking clothes!!! It's shameful, I know, to be this self obsessed. It's a damn shame, really because it certainly distracts me from feeling crappy about other aspects of my life, like my career, family and friends. Let me tell you, ain't nuthin more depressing than feeling fugly on top of that.

When I think about it, I figure money could go a long way to fix it...A well made (READ: EXPENSIVE) pair of pants fits a girl with a behind WAY better than cheapos. And I have, what I believe to be, good taste. If only I could afford my taste.

I have now abandoned the idea of plastic surgery as a viable option for confidence building. My attempt at liking my bod the way it is, I guess. It's not entirely failing as an approach either. I'm thinking maybe some dance classes or maybe I should get my ass back on stage to sing, that usually helps. Might be a good idea to relieve some of the office stress, too.