Free girl in Paris

Hello sports fans. It's been a weird morning. Just now, the girls at work started talking about American Idol.

Of course I watched it last night.

I am slowly starting to sprout Idol gills, I am living, breathing, feeling it everyday. The pit of my stomach is a torrent of waves, My Brain is permanently locked on THAT moment...the one coming. I will stand in front of judges and they get to tell me if I'm good or not. No pressure, right? Only been more than twenty years of dreams built up, singing myself to sleep, walking with a determined gait and thinking that someday, maybe...

This is getting cheesy. It's fear that's making me think this way. I have to try and remember what James Taylor's brother said (he's a teacher in performance at an American University and of course I can't remember his name...the drawbacks of having your brother be James Taylor, I guess)...He said performance fear can be quelled if you realise as a performer that you are there to ENTERTAIN OTHERS. Yah, course, it helps that you do it for yourself..artistic integrity and all that..but you can't forget the audience...They are the ones that matter. Your fear is personal...tied up in fear of being inadequate.

Frankly, the fear dissipates a little when I think of it this way. Just gotta go and let them tell me whether or not I should bother with this singing thing. I'll probably always do it...But I'd really like to know whether my dream is a sac of shit that I'm carrying around as a crutch...something else I can be angry at if I don't succeed. I hope not. That's all I can do. Hope and try and do my best.


You think this is bad folks...the Idol obsession has JUST begun...



(When should I tell the girls at work?)