Father Knows Best

Right now, I am taking a break. I am transcribing my father's stories surrounding the Vietnam War and it is taking a definite toll on me. The silly man is actually paying me to do this (money I certainly need, but feel awful taking). Besides the fact that I believe I am the only person in existence who can decipher his handwriting, this has proven to be an eye opening experience. When you think you know your parents, I promise you that you haven't even scratched the surface!

I'm a bit pissed at him actually, reading these stories. Why hasn't he told me them before? Maybe I would have thought he were less of an old fart if he had. But, in retrospect, maybe not. That sounds awful to say, but having parents who are decidely much older than those of my friends and peers has proved to be somewhat of a difficulty throughout my life. Or so I thought.

I feel like I grew up faster, and that much more was expected of me than from the rest of the kids my age. I've always felt that. But reading his words and his descriptions of what he did and how he lived are incredibly humbling. I just wish he had told me.

I called my brother today. He is techincally my half brother (not that there is anything technical about our confusing relationship), to wish his daughter a happy birthday. I told him that I was transcribing Dad's stories. He seemed as sursprised as I was that he had even started this project without anyone's knowledge. When I read his writing I think, with an opinion unsullied by the fact that he's my dad, how good the writing is; how he could definitely publish it. But do people still want to hear about the Vietnam War? My mother contends not. She says it isn't current and that the interest in his writing would be minimal. I would hate that to be true, especially considering my father's métier of historian. We ALL need to hear this man's stories, especially in the light of what is being forced upon us everyday from an amnesiac United States of America. Why the hell are we so passive now?
When I consider the things my father did to stand up for what he believed in I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed that my generation has abandoned any hope of fighting against the evils we are presented with. There will always be the nay-sayers who aim to call us idealists or foolish, but what of the force that used to come from leadership, empathy and peace? Is it lost forever in our branded mentality to consume at all costs? The only way we are foolish is that we believe that nothing bad will come of our laissez faire attitude. The way we keep being drawn in by marketing and product over what is right and how they are hurting all of us.

Fuck...I'll agree that I am feeling conspiratorial right now. I am feeling as if we have already lost our souls, we have lost what the people my father worked with aimed to tell us. It's because we have the impression they lost the battle. It's because we think there is no point in fighting. Who told YOU that?

All I know is that my father, God bless him, never told ME that.