Strangers in the Night...

I am very conscious of how the weather affects me. When I heard "overcast and 12 degrees" this morning, I knew it would be a bummer of a day. I came in to work to find everyone in a similar mood. It's like a funeral in here today. But there are other reasons I feel out of sorts.

The new beau's homecoming last night from a weekend gig in Ottawa was an absolute disaster. He knew he would be late and said to leave the door open, which I did, so that he could crawl into bed with me at 3am. This was supposed to be romantic.

What ACTUALLY happened, was he crawled into bed in his skivvies to find that the goddamned cat I am taking care of (for some wayward musician studying in Australia) had taken a piss on the blow-up matress I sleep on and the pee had pooled in one of the plastic pockets like a cheap swimming pool raft. I hadn't noticed it because the pee pool didn't overflow to where I was sleeping. It just waited there, ready to pounce on the unsuspecting, like one of Robert Munsch's mud puddles. So when he sat down on the bed...wet ass.

Charming.

So cut to me, 3 am, in a black negligee mopping up cat pee and swearing that I'm going to skin the cat alive. Makes for a warm welcoming atmosphere when you've been staying awake on a Greyhound bus for four hours so you don't get beheaded, dontcha think?

I was so looking forward to him crawling in beside me I was beside MYSELF and now the night was ruined. More than anything, I was embarassed that I hadn't even noticed I was sleeping next to kitty pee. On top of it, he's a bit of OCD when it comes to things dirty, with particular attention to feet and washing one's hands after using the restroom. So I'm thinking, 'Great! He's never going to touch me again! Great! Just when I thought things could not be more perfect..."

Then I had to stop myself. If this story hadn't happened to me, would I maybe have found it funny? Shit, ya! Maybe I could have laughed it off. Maybe if he hadn't waited in the dining room for me to clean up the mess, carefully avoiding my gaze, I woulda seen the humour. But 3am and reeking of cat piss while he's ignoring me is not my idea of a good time.

And then I asked him to leave I was so upset. He gave me his requisite "okay, bye", which is his way of not getting involved when I'm acting like a cat-skinning lunatic. Who could blame him?

However, I still would have liked him to say, "Hey it's no big deal". It would have been nice to know that I (or my feline foe) hadn't turned him off jumping into bed with me for life.

Sigh. All I could do was apologise today and tell him I'd like to make him a meal sometime this week to make up for it.

Hopefully the cat won't piss in my food.

A Crisis Line Compromised Weekend

I am working today. It's Sunday. Most of the people on the streetcar this morning (REALLY goddamned early in the morning)were old ladies and well dressed european men on their way to church. It was certainly a different crowd than the one during the week in the afternoon. There is a decided lack of crack users on the Sunday streetcar along Queen Street at 6am. Maybe they're at church, too. Although, driving through Parkdale, I did see two guys try and light up as the streetcar passed. I'm not saying they were crack users, but it's pretty obvious what two guys in hoodies hanging out in a doorway, shakily passing back and forth a glass pipe are up to. I'm just saying.

Anyway, this is not my regular shift. I prefer late afternoon to night. This 7 am until 3pm shit is like being on acid. I have no idea what day it is and although I should be tired at this hour, I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. Or it's not right to sleep on the job. Or something.

The vibe here on a Sunday is more than relaxed. When you are doing absolutely nothing but reading and surfing the internet the calls that come in really feel like they are interrupting you. How dare they have a personal crisis at 7 am on a Sunday? Don't they know I have newspapers to read and emails to send? Shouldn't you be at church? THAT'S your problem. Go to church. Ask God to care, I'm busy. (See? Mornings don't agree with me...)

I didn't work Friday. I got this shift at this ridiculous hour because I traded shifts with someone who had a Jewish holiday thingy. I thought it would be good for the karma, even though I avoid morning like it was an infectious disease. Fine and dandy, except, I was supposed to be here yesterday. I fucked up the dates and they were sans bilingual coverage on the phones yesterday. OOps. So I show up this morning ready to reap the benefits of a little good karmasation, ready to work, full of piss and vinegar...only to come in and read several emails of people panicking yesterday because there is one bilingual person and french people are waitng for over 20 minutes on hold. Double oops.

Anyway I'm here now and apparently another bilingual called in sick so I am actually here, by chance, to help this poor dude who worked all night and was going to stay until 3pm. Trooper. So he got to go home. And I'm here. Yep. Here.


It was just suggested to me by one of my co-workers that I get another chair for my feet so I can kick back and have a nap. THAT'S how busy it is. My kinda paycheque. Now if only we could smoke in here...

Might...fall...asleep

I used to like the library

Since my move away from ye oldey chap, I have virtually no money.

My paycheque is divided as such:

1.Toronto rent? Check. And ouch. 2. Massive Rogers bill because I decided to pay a few months longer than necessary for services I wasn't using, at an apartment I wasn't in because I was trying to prove to my ex that me leaving with NONE of the stuff we bought together didn't bother me? Check. 3. Food and not such an amount of it that the grocery bags (reusable ones, yes, my enviro crazed friends)are so heavy I can't walk home without permanent back damage? Check. 4. Toiletries?...aka, soap all kinds. Dishes, clothes, house, me. All those things need cleaning products. I can't live without cleaning products. Windex is my friend. 5. Cosmetic enhancements? Makeup for end of month acne and poor self image? Check. Birth control pill because I know babies are "in " this year but I look better in jeans without an elastic waistband? Check.

And there, you pretty much have it. Not much left over. Fuck all left over, really. I am sleeping on an air bed from Canadian Tire, people. My couch is left over from the last broad that lived there, and once, when I dropped my remote control between the cushions I pulled out...yes...a gasp is appropropriate..a syringe. I love Toronto. So warm, so cuddly. (pssst! somebody call the police...)

I also have no computer and am writing this from a library in my lakeshore neighborhood. I have a library card for the first time in over 10 years. It's neat. Everything's free.

I got my head out of my ass about the paying his bills and soon I will have enough to save. I will save and buy a computer, a proper bed and all of the tummy rumblings because I am rationing food will be gone. I'll probably look back and envy the freedom I have now. I'll be able to look back and see where the wave crested and I finally felt like me.

I have never been happier.