Seriously, get the fuck off my lawn!

I have strangers who hang around, they loiter, spit, launch obsencities at me and trip me up when I get too close to them. They have been bothering me for years, but I have never known how the hell to get rid of them. I tried begging them once, telling them I'd do anything if they would just give me a little peace and quiet. I've tried bribery, giving them what they want, expensive clothes, booze, drugs. I've even considered sex (don't think I'm above that because I'm not). They'd kinda calm down for a bit, but then it would just get worse. They start to expect stuff. They start to ask me for things when I am trying to write, when I'm trying to sing. They have even a few times woken me up out of a deep sleep to try and get whatever they need out of me.

I'm really bad at setting boundaries. I always have been. I suppose I was of the opinion that it's rude to ask for what you want. I wonder where I got that feeling from. Aren't these the kinds of things you blame on mother?

I learned to just ignore what I wanted. "That's okay, we'll just do what you want. Yes, of course I want to hang out with your stoner friends in an abandoned castle in the middle of nowhere. Sure, I'd rather watch My So Called Life. But I'm making friends here."

It takes a lot of practice to realise what you do and do not want after being such a doormat. Maybe not a doormat, that's the wrong word. Because I didn't take shit from anyone, really. This was more of a subtle compromise I made with myself. "Dammit, self, it doesn't matter what you want. Don't you know they'll find out about you unless you play the game right? They'll know you're up to something."

So the same strangers have been loitering in my head for almost 20 years and I have learned a little bit about boundaries in the past couple of months, namely that if you don't make any yours will constantly be crossed and pushed. People will take advantage especially if you are terrified they won't like you.

This girl I know who writes a pretty fabulous online magazine called She Does The City , has a section referencing a new book called What I Know Now, Letters to my Younger Self wherein several powerful women from a number of backgrounds write letters...to themselves as young women to give the younger woman advice on life, love and happiness.

I would tell my younger self to forge her own path instead of being paralysed by other people's interests. I would tell her "You know what you are good at, young lady. Now go do it."

I would also tell those strangers to get the fuck off my lawn.